We'll never know why. We will never discover the purpose for our suffering. Suffering wouldn't be the same if we knew the reason for it. Romans 8 says, "For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." The only thing we know is that we suffer so that our faith will grow stronger. And so we need to keep our eyes fixed on heaven. The final prize makes all the suffering worth it no matter how hard it is. No matter how hard life gets and how much it might suck, we need to keep turning back to Jesus and we must hang onto him.
I've needed to remind myself of these things lately. Otherwise I get lost; lost in the "what-if's" and the "why's". I've also discovered lately that it is good to have a plan. Any sort of plan no matter how small it is. I lost sight of my plan for awhile and stopped thinking about getting better from this cancer. I didn't think about the future at all. But lately I've realized that that is not a good thing. And so I have my plan back again. It's not a big future plan. It's small. But I've got it back again. And I'm happier now. I'm not stuck in a rut of nothingness. My plan is to be healthy by August. It might not happen that way but at least I'm working towards something again.
Cancer is terrible and it often feels like my body is turning against me but the cancer will be obliterated. It will not destroy me. I will conquer it.
The Bible verse that is super inspiring to me right now: "I shall not die, but I shall live, and recount the deeds of the LORD." - Ps. 118:17