being pushed

I'm actually feeling a little more relaxed and it's only two days later. Which is good, because I do want to have a good time this weekend. Now I just want to get tomorrow over and done with and then I can be extremely happy.

I'm reading a book right now called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and it is really helping and encouraging me to let everything go and to trust completely in God. Here's a little section which I particularly liked:

'Then I remembered Ephesians 2:10, which tells us that we were created "to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." That verse is meant for me and all others who have been "saved by grace through faith." My existence was not random, nor was it an accident. God knew who He was creating, and He designed me for a specific work.'

'God will ensure my success in accordance with His plan, not mine.'

Yes. This book is really pushing me to give God everything. I love it. I love God.

oh help me.

All of a sudden I felt a sudden urge of inspiration to write something. I just need to let my energy loose somewhere. Let me first clarify that my life is absolutely crazy right now. AND. IT. IS. NOT. FUN. I think my problem is stressing about things before they actually happen.

I'll try to give you the short version. I have a piano festival next Monday in which I am playing two pieces and I don't feel 'uber confident on one of them. This coming Wednesday, I have my monthly chemo treatment at the hospital. The next day (Thursday), we leave to go away for the weekend and be back Sunday evening. So that means, I will have just gotten a whole bunch of drugs and I probably won't be feeling very well. We come home and I won't have played the piano for 4 days and the next day I have to compete on pieces that aren't quite ready yet. SOOO. YES. I hope that made sense.

I talked to Rach about it earlier and she talked me through it and gave me some good advice. So what I'm going to do is take Monday - Wednesday off from all the "unimportant" school. Meaning, I will only do the homework for my online class and other than that I will "try" very hard to practice 2+ hours a day.

I think it's ok to stress about my piano, but I need to try and stop stressing about the hospital visit and whether or not I will get side effects this next week. Basically, I need to do my best, do it to the glory of God, and trust that whatever happens will be used for good in my life and help me grow in Christ. 

Oh, and there are 12 weeks and 4 days till I'm done. 88 days. Oh yes. 

4 months

I'm still counting down. There are now 4 months left. 18 weeks and 3 days. 129 days. I'm getting there. Almost done. :D